Why Ladies, Why?

I have a question for all of the women who are in, or ever have been, in a long term relationship. Show of hands. When it comes to long-term relationships, how many of you think that men are idiots? Ok, thank you. I was just checking.

If anybody wants confirmation about how women really see us just ask any married women. She'll regale you with hours of stories about how much of a bum her husband was before she "trained" him.

(When she met him, he probably only had one piece of furniture, an inflatable couch. He would sit on it, feet propped up on a pile of empty pizza boxes, and watch TV while he ate potato chips off of his bare stomach. Now that she's come into his life though, there is soap in every bathroom, and he's even learned to cook a few things that don't come with directions on the side of the box.)

I know it's been said too many times, but this is yet another example of how men are like dogs. Dogs love to chase things, like cars for example, but once they actually catch them, they have no idea what to do next. A lot of guys are really good at chasing women, but when it comes to long-term cohabitation, we just aren't ready for that sort of thing.

Now I'm firmly aware that, as a guy, it is actually to our advantage to let our women train us. A woman training a man is like a dog peeing on a tree. She's leaving her mark. I actually have more theories on this, but I'm risking getting way off topic here, so I'll save it for another blog on another day.

Suffice to say that men would still be wearing animal furs and living in caves if not for women. It took a woman to look at the cave and say "We need a house. These granite walls don't match the new coffee table."

Now, I said all that so I can ask this question

Since women know that men are relationship morons, why do they continue to expect us to have sudden flashes of genius like insight?

Subtlety

Why do you insist on tactics such as subtlety? Men aren't subtle. We're idiots remember? Just come out and say it. Nothing sucks more than, while running late in the morning, hearing You know, I was really hoping to be with you last night. I wore that blue shirt you like, I was hoping youd notice. WHAT?!? Why didnt you say something LAST NIGHT woman? So does this mean that every time you wear the blue shirt from now on, Im going to get some? If so, Id be happy to give all of your other shirts to charity.

Silent Treatment

This one is just too wrong for words. Inevitably we say something that upsets you. But of course, you cant just tell us at the time. Nope. That would be too easy. The game comes when, hours after the fact, we suddenly notice that youre being quieter than usual. The usual ritual then ensues.

Him: "Is everything ok?"
Her: *shrug*
Him: "You seem quieter than usual"
Her: *shrug*
Him: "Did I do something wrong?"
Her: "No"
Him: "What did I do?"
Her: "Nothing, its fine"

Of course, at this point, every guy does the same thing. They act like everything is fine. She did say it was fine after all. (except the amateurs, they go buy flowers). Its a weird sort of peacefulness that ensues at that point. On the one hand, the guy is not getting nagged or asked to do stuff, which is nice. On the other hand, its really just the calm before the storm. Eventually, she is going to tell you whats wrong, and it isnt going to be pleasant. My tactic is to enjoy the silence, but occasionally make an attempt to find out whats wrong. At least that way it looks like you care.